What we search for.

Like so many of the other mamas I know,  much of my days are spent searching.  Searching for new ways to to give my children what they need, searching for just the right balance of my own needs as an evolving mother, woman and human and the needs of each individual in this family. Searching in more challenging times, for a bit of peace-maybe just a smidgen.

 Making the decision to homeschool our oldest,  going with my gut, taking her out of Kindergarten in a wrongly matched school and following a rhythm that had been already working for us for the last six years of her life was one of the easiest and hardest choices to make in this search of ours, if that makes any sense? We have been reaping both the ease and difficulties of that decision since we made it in October. Within the lesson I am learning at this juncture is a metaphor for life, or at least for mine.  

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There is always gray area. Though it seems like there are two opposing factors, forever pitted against each other; the needs of self vs.needs of the family, solitude or togetherness, darkness vs. light,  give a timeout or ignore, raise our family here or make a go of it elsewhere- the truth is, these dichotomies I create with my mind never really, truly exist.  It is not either/or, black/white. Within each of those things, the other exists also, and because of the other. There is no separate, distinct linear and constant right answer to any question or troubling situation I find myself with and in. 

 Just as in nature, changes occur in shifts, and so do solutions to questions. It is within winter that the spring flower begins it's plans for slow and persistent bloom.

And, it is within the closeness of winter that this family is pinched together tightly to search for and find new and healthier ways of reaching out in love to one another.  Descartes's, "I think, therefore I am. " was never and will never be enough for me. I like better the middle way of paying attention to my own life and being (even and especially the negative, dark spaces)to create the better me.

The morning always comes. Our tangible things inevitably find their perfect homes in all the correct bins, room is made for one more, the phases of three- year- old outbursts eventually play themselves out.  We find out where we are supposed to be by being.  The better us always emerges- the spring always comes.

I only need look at these images taken in Fall during a lesson on Sojourner Truth to know that the answer lies in the search itself.  Each one of us, together, gets there.

And in winter, waiting is one of the best ways to "get there."

Through this window

This window could very well be the reason we moved into this house. I loved it upon first walking into the dining room- seeing so much of the outside it allowed in.

And, everyday, (though I still dream and hope for having just a little more land closer to where J teaches)...

I am grateful. 

I am grateful to look out of it in winter and see our snow covered maple trees (which we have plans to tap come March). I am grateful for the children's mindful watching, looking and seeking done as their faces and hands smudge the cold glass. I am doubley grateful for the questions that then follow. I am grateful for the red cardinal's pecking tail as he chirps and scittishly looks for seed. I am grateful for the abundace of light it shines into the space in which we eat, learn and create.  I am grateful for how simple panes of glass (many of which are the blurry originals) can keep the cold out and let nature's small and big changes in, around and among us as we live.

I plan to share some of the learning moments that happen at this very window in some upcoming posts. We shall have to see.

How we rang it in

 Our New Year was going to be spent with friends but then I came down with a cold, so we decided to do it up family style.  This meant dressing up and  feasting on Maine lobster, homemade bread and asparagus. Friends due in the following days from NY via Montana and then another from the Boston area, we needed something low and celebratory.

 Sparklers in the starlight. A success it was!

What more could we ask for, really?

slow pace of winter play

Some photos to share with you from the week. Due to sick 'lets the rocking chair got lots of use, I even brought it into the dining room one night, to rock James during dinner as to not miss the conversation at the table. J had a snow day and so we enjoyed each other and the marble-run more.

 morning light increasing

Just because it's winter, doesn't mean we play any less here in the Rabbitt residence.

Phantom Haiku

In a low whisper,
"Come, there's a beautiful bird
at our window"

I'm so happy I listened to my three year old joy boy just a moment ago. So glad I heard him, so glad I didn't ignore his sweet and quiet beckoning, so glad I followed him to the window to watch a white falcon on the wire in front of our house.  It's dusk and the snow is still on said wire.  I ran to get the camera and as quickly as he had come, he was gone.  Off to look for food. Thank you, my dear sweet boy for showing this winter wonder. Gratitude for this photoless gift.

Start of the season- what's been happening around here. (first edition)

Happy New Year!  I thought I would start it off right by filling you in on some of our season's escapades. For the next few days I will continue to post some photos to catch you up.  Maybe this will be the year of real time posting?  Perhaps. Wishing you all a wonderful day. I'm off to play in the 60 degree weather with Daddy and the 'lets. See you soon.

 First Nutcracker participation by Abigail




picture taken by sandi

 

 Walks in the woods to St. Nicholas party hosted by German friends.




boots waiting for St. Nickolas to deliver treats.

 



Solstice preparation. Crisco and bird seed.